I realized that it is so much easier to deal with life if you just write it down.. or in this case type it up... i am way too lazy to actually write lol especially at 12:15 am

im just gonna start like i never stopped writing..

Stephen drives me crazy.. we are done.. DONE and over.. and for some reason i think that we never even were...

it was all just me.. but why? he asked me this SOO many times.. "why me?" he would say..

and i never really gave him a real answer.. i told it was b/c i was comfortable with him.. which is true, but it was for all the worng reasons...

i was comfortable b/c of my dad, my stepdad, my older brother.. b/c of all the males in my life that let me down.. i was comfortable b/c i was use to the neglect and the abandonment.. i was comfotable b/c i knew what to expect from him.. and what not to expect, despite what i deserved, and i was comfortable b/c i was use to being hurt and let down... and i knew that stephen would be the same.. and i was use to that.. i was okay with that...

as much as he said he cared.. and as much as he said he wanted to be with me.. he didnt... he didnt care... and he was never really mine...

BAAAHHH! i'm so naive. and so dumb.. and gullible and frustrated.. well i've decided that i am not wasting anymore time thinking about that silly little boy and letting him distract me... so when ever i get the urge for him.. i'll just come and rant and wollow on my xanga and be done with it!

good!

and yeah christian needs to get over tori.. like WAY over her.. he thinks that she still likes him and that maybe one day in the future there is a chance for them again.. but i honestly dont think there is.. seriously i wish he would move on...and im not saying to me.. im not saying that at all.. i just want him to be happy.. and she just makes him miserable b/c she is so mean to him.. but when she does say one nice thing she gets his hopes just to crush him again.. its like the song:::

"why do ya build me up build me up buttercup baby just to let me down, and mess me around and then worst of all... you never call baby when you say you will.. but i love you still."

its kinda sadd.. he deserves so much more.. SO MUCH more... move on christian..

k goodnight

ok so long time no update!!!

the cousins are visiting YAY!!!!

josh told me he wants to date me...

yet i still feel oh so lonely

taylor is possibly the sweetest most amazing guy in the whole world

jeremy is working on it!

i gave up on passing french 4

me and jenna spend way too much time together

i pigged out on Thanksgiving so i am full for the next 3 weeks!

i miss talking to steven o.!

i am losing touch with all my friends

i am still TOO NICE!

i love my supertwin Taryn!

ok i think i am done

oh and ALYSSA BASKAM I REALLY MISS YOU!!!!!

i love everyone!!!

HOW EMO IS THIS ENTRY!!! haha i try i try!